Podcast 9 – Relationships and Witchcraft

12 thoughts on “Podcast 9 – Relationships and Witchcraft”

1. Great episode! I actually found it comforting to listen to you both talk about your relationships with your spouses in relationship to witchcraft, because I have a very similar situation. While my (agnostic) wife knows, and even knows my patrons, it’s still something that I keep very private and we really don’t talk about in our day to day lives. Once in awhile she will ask a specific question, which I try to answer, but otherwise it’s just not a part of our relationship. Quite frankly we have enough in common that it doesn’t need to be!

   I can also relate to needing to wait until after the baby goes to bed to do any Witchcraft, 🙂 All in all this episode really hit home for me. Great stuff here.

   1. Thanks so much! Yes, it’s definitely interesting being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t see why you do what you do, magically or spiritually, but not particularly in a bad way, I think. It’s good to have a few differences left between you both, I think…otherwise the similarities cross from “adorable” to “creepy” very quickly, lol.

      Anyway, glad you liked the show! And thanks for commenting about it! I really appreciate it 🙂

      -Cory

2. Yay! It’s so good to hear that at least one of our listeners can relate to what we were talking about. 🙂

   Your relationship with your wife sounds very much like my relationship with my husband. It’s nice to know there’s others out there like us.

   Thanks for listening and for the comment!

   -Laine

3. It was quite a surprise to hear my name mentioned and truly, really very sweet! You pronounced it correctly, it’s one of my nicknames from childhood, which as any Bluegrass girl will tell you, follow you all your life! (My husband is always teasing me about how many different “names” I answer to amongst my large, multi-generational family.)

   This podcast was truly provocative and interesting. Without nattering on too long, I was brought up to be very careful about what one did with one’s hair, clothing and effects. My husband’s family still teases me about how I won’t buy/wear thrift shop clothes and the vinegar/herb/salt washes I used on any donated clothes to our babies when they were small. My grandmothers, aunts, friends, cousins taught me as I followed them around and spent time with them as they went about their days and very busy lives. One learns a lot by watching and listening and “helping.”

   I thought you all may find this interesting: whenever I had to return to my parent’s house, very far away from my family, they always gave me a small glass bottle of water from the old well behind the house and I kept in either on my dresser or bedside table. (I didn’t even think to ask why I was just happy and comforted to have that bit of home near by.) Later, much later, it was explained to me it was a way to keep a connection, and here I quote, “To know where you are”. Looking back I wonder if it had anything to do with the incredible and vivid dreams I had. My grandmothers, grandfathers, great-grandfathers and Mamas all spoke of making connections a lot!

   As for baby-hair, oh my. Our sons’ first hair cut (done at age two, according to my family traditions and I wouldn’t budge on this) was carefully tied and wrapped up and put away and it’s been used in many many ways. I still have almost all of it, the boys had thick thick red-blonde hair and as their mother I cherish each strand. (Plus, I cried and cried when their father took them off for their first hair-cut, I stayed at home, it’s a Dad-Son thing, the way I was raised and my husband said it made lots of sense to him.)

   And as for helping family, I am totally sure my sister won’t ever find this site so it’s okay for me to tell a bit, I belive! , When she was trying for her third child and having tons of problems, she actually called me and in spite of her intense disbelief and fear, yes, fear, she mentioned that I would probably know of something to do to help, even though I was two hundred miles away. I asked her is she was truly okay with my “helping” and she was passionate in her reply, she just wanted to have another baby soon and avoid the rest of the whole infertility work-ups and etc. Sooooo, on my next visit to her house, a few days later, I left behind, under her bed, a small cute stuffed animal, totally innocent looking and appearing. Remembering what I had picked-up as a girl, let’s just say there was a special little package inside the stuffed bunny and a tiny adorable sachet that I slipped under her bed, I have always made sachets from things I grow. One small hint: a small pearl was in each gifts! *heehee*

   Three months later, she was expecting a baby boy and he’s a big ol’ handsome guy now. Do I claim any credit, does she know what I ”did”? Well, I just quote that verse from the Bible my grandfather did, you know, the one about going into your closet? Believe me, I thought long and hard about even doing any little thing, for a new baby is a serious thing!

   OH, one more curious thing I was taught, and my grandmothers were pretty insistent on this: Be very careful as to just whom knows your full name, birthdate and time and same thing for your children or husband or lover! And besides, for girls/women there are only three ages: Young, None-of-Your-Business and Extraordinary!

   Tell Laine that it’s fairly common for in families, that it’s often multigenerational, as in grandmother-granddaughter or aunt/niece and in many things, one must be taught by someone of the opposite sex too.

   Thank you all again for a most interesting podcast!
   Take care,
   Jae

   1. Jae, this is FANTASTIC stuff! I love reading and re-reading everything you wrote here! The fact you have such rich and fully expressed family traditions, the magic that seems to permeate your bloodline, and the good sense of humor your whole clan seems to have about themselves all are just ten gallons of charming poured into a shotglass of wonderful!

      I think it’s great that your sister received such a blessing from you, and you’re absolutely right about one doing what one needs to do in one’s own room or closet. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to hide every lamp under a bushel (to continue the biblical metaphors, lol), but one thing I think magical folk would do well to remember is that not every spell has to be told about later…in fact, the opposite seems to be truer: magics concealed results do yield.

      At any rate, a WONDERFUL post here. Thank you so much for it!

      Be well,

      Cory

4. Another excellent episode guys. Hope you stay dry and the weather gets better for ya.

   1. Thanks Juni! Just saw you all had put up your Beltaine episode, so I’ll be listening to that in the next day or two. Hope you and Bren are well!

      -C

5. Laine,
   I am SO glad you talked about your relationship (practice wise) about your husband. One reason, is we all learned a little more about you (and Cory) from a personal viewpoint, which is nice to hear. It’s always interesting to see how others go through their daily lives.

   Second, my situation with my wife is pretty much the same. She is basically agnostic. She believes there is something out there, but really knows nothing about paths, besides what she has ask me. She grew up in a family that never went to church or anything else, so her exposure to anything has been “from the streets”. And she really does not desire, at least right now, to pursue any further. Yet she finds interest in things that I bring up from time to time, such as when we are watching Supernatural, Buffy, etc and she really found interest in Angels and Demons, which is of course fiction, but was loaded with all kinds of neat pagan references.
   When we got together in 94 (we have known each other since ’87) I was just about at the time when I was looking at other spiritual viewpoints, beside christianity. It was extremely personal to me so I never really ask her or told her about anything, although there was always books, etc sitting around. For quite awhile, she thought I was religious, but I told her I am not religious, I am spiritual. Once I explained what that meant, she understood. When we got married in ’98, we decided to have a non-denominational wedding, outside under the trees. It may have meant different things to each of us, but it worked out nicely. No dogma in the vows, just basic and sweet. And the Sun was shining on a beautiful late May day. Could not have been better.

   My practice today, whether it be adoration and celebration of my deities or actual practice (mainly herb and root magic) it is still very personal. I by no means hide anything, my books are still lined up on the shelves, I note things in conversation when I see something she may find interesting, and sometimes talk to the veggie plants and trees and birds when we are outside with our daughter. My wife seems to understand what I am doing at times, because she loves nature like me. I am not sure she will ever have a desire to see the deep spiritual side of it all, but eitherway, what I do is fine and her approach or distance to my practice works for her, so that is fine too.
   As for other family and friends, my brother has been on a pagan path, for more years than I remember, probably over 20. Many years ago, I knew he was into something different, but at that time, i was still just riding along on my path at the time, although it was very disatisfing (no need to elaborate here!). When I started studying more and more path options, I would throw info at my brother here an there. He said he always knew I would change paths, he said he knew I was growing even before I knew it. So it is nice, even though he is in FL and I am in MD, we can share info and talk about what we are doing and even share resources. Of course I have sent him links to your site.

   My mother, although still basically on a christian path, has been studying Sylvia Brown literature (read Mother God, it’s awesome!) and we can sit an talk about lots of spiritual things, ideas and the female deity aspects. It’s great to see she has opened her mind over the years, purely by her choice.
   Most of my friends really have no idea what I believe or practice. We really do not discuss religion. And it’s ok like that. I know some are pretty strong in the christian beliefs, although they never push it or speak about it. I used to go to church (Lutheran) with some of these friends in our youth until we were in our teens, so they may just think I am still on that same path, although no one has every ask, except one. And the one that ask is on a pagan path also, so she was curious as my brother had mentioned I followed an earth based path also. We run 5K’s together and when we see other, we talk a bit, but have been trying to get time to sit down and talk in detail.

   So Laine, it seems, somewhat, we are living the same situations. I sometimes wish my wife was more interested in a path, but she is in a place right now where that is not priority and may never will be, but that is fine. We coinside nicely and it works for us, so that is all we can ask. Oh, and love the magical segment of the show you have been doing!

   Once again, absolutely love the show and blog.
   Chet

6. Hi Cory and Laine,

   I had a question about “free will”. How can you put any kind of binding spell on someone when they have free will to say “it wont stick”?

   If free will isn’t enough, then what you suggest that would help protect one’s self?

   How do you know there is a spell on you?

   Thanks,
   Cath

   1. Hi Cathy,

      Hmm, well, I’m no philosopher so this topic may be a bit heavy for me to give a good, concise answer, but I’ll do my best. I think that in the grand scheme of things, any belief in magic has to suppose that free will isn’t a complete package. Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to change or influence anything with magic. There are things that are beyond our control no matter what we like to believe, and some of those things are in the control of others. Think of it like this: is it a mugging victim’s will to be mugged? Probably not. But it’s likely the mugger’s will to do the mugging.

      I also think there’s a lot of confusion between will and desire. I can desire to win the lottery, but that won’t make it happen. Willing it to happen may not do anything either, but it may lead me to take steps which get me closer to the goal. Will is a very active thing, in my opinion, and something a good bit more potent than ephemeral desires. So someone who simply says “a love binding won’t work on me because I have free will” doesn’t strike me as someone I can’t work magic on, because unless they’re backing up their “free will” with actions to resist a love binding I don’t think the target’s mere belief in his or her own imperviousness will amount to much in the long run. Belief is fine as far as it goes, but action is what really takes that belief and makes it manifest.

      Now, as far as your next question, if you’re looking for ways to block someone from binding you, I’d suggest a few simple things: 1) Wear something protective, like an evil-eye bead, a mano-cornuto pendant, or even a cross if that’s your thing 2) Do ritual cleansings periodically. The simplest of these involves adding a can of beer to a tub of water, then bathing and submerging yourself three times while repeating a simple prayer for protection to your deity of choice. A bath with Epsom salts or lemon juice would also help cut away any negative spells being worked on you 3)If these methods fail, get professional help from a spiritual practitioner, like a braucher, a witch, a priest, or a shaman. They should be able to give you more detailed ways to remove unwanted magical influence.

      As for knowing if there’s a spell on you, there are lots of ways: getting a diagnostic cleansing/reading (like an egg limpia from a curandero/brujo), tarot or other divinatory methods, sudden changes in luck or behavior (like feeling tired for no reason, snapping at people, having lots of little “accidents”), having intense or bad dreams (particularly ones where the same person or people show up again and again), etc. I may try to do a post on this sort of thing eventually, but if you have any further questions in the meantime, please feel free to ask me! I’m always happy to share 🙂

      Thanks for a great question! Hope you’re well!

      -Cory

7. Hi Laine and Cory,

   I really loved this episode. It helped me realize that even though my rootworker/witchy leanings really don’t come up in conversation with my Shinto-centered boyfriend, the fact that we both have a sort of nature-reverent spirituality is something that can bind us together. It also helped me not worry so much about the fact that my magical life doesn’t always involve him and that it’s mostly private for me 🙂

   Well Laine mentioned she was interested in hearing about a pagan mother and daughter relationship, so I thought I would tell you a bit about my witchy mother. When I was a kid, neighbors jokingly called my mother a witch, but it really didn’t bother us kids because we knew she was just being herself.

   I guess you could call her path that of hearthcraft and wortcunning, because not only did she employ many folk medicine and herbal medicinal remedies, she also had herbs hanging to dry all over our house. I remember when we got sick she would cut onions into chunks and rub them on the soles of our feed to get rid of the sickness. She would make homemade cold remedies (LOTS of hot pepper paste), grew herbs wherever we moved (we moved a lot when I was a kid), and was definitely in tune with the moon, her home, and her garden.

   Every time she sees me heading into the garden with a bandanna on my head, notebook in hand, and dirt under my nails, and just laughs and says, “Oh you are SO my daughter.” I took on a “magical” path when I was a teenager, starting with Wicca. At first, interestingly enough, she had a huge problem with that. I later realized that it was probably her Christian upbringing causing her project her repulsion for that part of herself onto me, but she later embraced my witchy-ways completely, and is slowly embracing her own.

   Now, I am studying rootwork and traditional witchcraft, and we have a blast talking about what we have in common with our paths (and what we don’t!). She brings a European folk magic bent to the table, and I bring my hoodoo-centered herb knowledge, and let’s just say it makes for wonderful conversation 🙂

   Thanks for the great show!

   1. Hi Kolbie!

      It’s funny, I’ve often thought if I were anything other than what I am, I’d probably be Shinto myself. The animism and daily spiritual interaction are just really appealing to me. But I’m really glad you both are able to have common ground spiritually, yet remain individuals. I think that’s a really big plus for any relationship.

      I’m sure Laine will have more to say on the mother-daughter relationship side of this message, but I really love your mother already! It’s so fantastic that she’s able to be a part of your life, and that you take so much of her with you into your practice. Plus you both dig in the dirt, which always makes me happy to hear 🙂 I’ll be very interested to hear more about what you learn from her (and what she learns from you) as time goes on, if you feel like sharing!

      Thank you so much for your comment!

      All the best,

      Cory

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